this is where my misery truly began.

i used to create, make things, have my brain filled with unending ideas and concepts of things to draw, to paint, to write about. unendingly creative.

but i stopped because i just wanted a break. i just waanted a break from doing anything. doing everything. everything for everyone everywhere everytime. my humanity that i hold onto so dearly turned me to a mush that is colorless. colorless with a mass inside that still sparks for something more that its body cannot provide.

it was a struggle for me to even participate or indulge in anything creative. doing things with people an even greater struggle. i attend classes as if they were going to teach me how to regain the passion i had lost from fatigue.

all it did was make me afraid.