thank you for being here.

everything i said is close enough to how i feel, how i felt. what i'm trying.

close enough is the key word here. my thoughts are very sporadic and i have a hard time writing things in an eloquent way. or at all. i wish i could be better at it, but that might not be the case. it's like staring at a steam locomotive boiler explosion. you don't even know where to begin. in a way, it's a good way to interpret how my thoughts can collide and spread out across time. how i experience them. they confuse me, they hurt me.

i also wish there were an easier way for me to talk about the things i feel, but this is the first time i really wrote them out in a way i felt mostly comfortable and good enoughh to. maybe i'll keep writing more about them. thank you to vomitdistrict for being my inspiration and main motivation to be better and make a space for me.

i don't want to be miserable anymore.