i am not afraid of the world. i am afraid of my thoughts. i am afraid of how i react to the world and its own thoughts.

emptiness is when i feel most at peace. when i am unable to think of anything: to be in blissful ignorance, unaawarely present; that is when i am happy. yet i am cursed to have thoughts about the most senseless things. about things that matter, or don't matter. i am cursed to think of them, when they are set out in front of me. i am cursed to worry.

cursed to think, i am. but to think is to be human, isn't it. should i cease to think, i would lose the humanity i so desperately hold onto. the humanity i use to assist others in their lives, their strife, their stresses. good and bad. fast or slow.

i wish i didn't have to think, i wish i didn't have to be scared.

that's not true.



i wish i weren't so miserable.